Firefly's Flame
by kimmyyaoi
Summary: M/M Decades after Korra, the next avatar has yet to appear. The benders & nonbenders have been at war; the latter in victory & benders vanishing. Yakone was a college student, writing his thesis on the generals, but a mute librarian may have had more to tell than any book. Yakone searches for the answers behind the identity to Chaitanya's voice, falling in love & finding the avatar
1. Chapter 1

I've always loved the lines in Chaitanya's body. Like the way he cranes his neck so that it's a perfect curve into his shoulder, exposing his collarbone with his long hair hooked behind an ear and the rest hanging from his forehead so that he sees no world but the ones in his books.

And every so often, I see a humble, pure smile crack his lips. But never a laugh. I've never heard his voice, and there was something about the majesty of it that made him seem fictional.

I often wondered if I were the only one to have noticed this quiet creature or if there were others. If there were, what happened to them? I liked to make up stories for them in my head. Maybe the librarian didn't speak because his words cast spells, changing people.

I had never believed that to be reality, of course.

I had originally started going to the library to do research on the war. My senior thesis was to be an analysis of the equalist generals, but then I realized it wasn't long before I was only going to see the silent librarian, watching him sign to the other librarians and communicating everything to visitors with facial expressions. I decided then to learn sign language so I could understand him a little better, but I wanted to be good at it before I embarrassed myself and approached him head on. It took me weeks to even learn and memorize basics.

I also had my research to continue. And a library was a library, and it was impossibly easy to get lost in a good book. So much so that Chaitanya startled me when he tapped my shoulder. My surprise shocked him just the same, but he grinned suddenly and set a book next to me with a note scribbled on a lined, folded piece of paper.

All I could manage in response to the gesture was an expression of confusion. How had he known to give a book? I had suspected he might have caught my glances in the months since I started my thesis, but I hadn't looked in his direction for hours. And I always thought my glances could just be passed off as friendly greetings. I didn't think I garnered his attention in return, but when I picked up his note read it, I began to understand. He was recommending a book to me. Of course he was. He was a librarian.

 _Thank you,_ I signed after I set the note back down, and his eyes lit up. For all of his effort, it was gratifying just to see that reaction.

 _You know sign language?_ he rapidly gestured back to me.

I blushed, embarrassed for him, and signed slowly. _A little. I'm learning._

He grinned and nodded, encouraging me and congratulating me. I didn't entirely understand the gestures he used next, but I was able to piece them together. He could hear me, he just couldn't talk himself.

"You're mute, not deaf," I clarified, and he nodded, signing a _yes_.

I had seen deaf and blind people before - especially more so as a result of the war - but never a mute person. I guess they were harder to pick out of a crowd. In public, they could understand you just fine, and it was hard to notice when a stranger walking past you _couldn't_ talk.

I was so fascinated with him and had so many rude questions I didn't want to ask that I just ignorantly stared at him.

He became embarrassed with the awkward exchange that he began signing again - but only as an escape. _I hope you enjoy the book._

I nodded and allowed him to leave even though I really didn't want to let him go. I wanted to know who he was that could enchant me so easily. But he had done something I wasn't brave enough to do - he gave me a chance so I could engage in conversation with him again.

I checked out the book and took it home with me, reading it as quickly as I could, which was not quick at all. I was a history major, not a literature major, and even though the book was about the war, it was filled with dense rhetoric that was at times impossible for my tiny brain to handle.

It was even more impressive to know that this was the kind of thing that Chaitanya enjoyed reading. At least, I assumed he had read it. Why would he recommend it otherwise? The book appeared to be an alternative fiction take on the war from the perspective of a traitor, but enough of the book seemed accurate to what I knew to be true events that I had to question how much was actually fantasy.

Between school work and my mundane very part time grocery job, it was a month before I could finish the book and proudly take it back to the librarian.

He seemed excited to see me holding it as I brought it up to him at the check-out counter. _Did you like it? Was it too much?_

I half-heartedly smiled for him, trying not to lie about not understanding half of it. "Yeah, just a little bit. But the parts I understood were good." I had to ask the burning question on my mind. I couldn't find the book online, so it wasn't mass produced like most fiction books of its kind. I was teetering on the brink of interpreting it as fantasy and reality. "Is this based on a true story?"

Chaitanya nodded, but I didn't understand what he signed to me. He saw the confusion and picked up a notepad, writing, _It's an autobiography._

My eyes widened. Wait, the _traitor's_ autobiography? "There's no way." The story wasn't written in first person either. It really did feel like the entire thing was a hyper-authentic invention - kept at a distance from the reader, but I knew enough rhetoric to know that maybe that was the point?

Chaitanya picked up the notepad and wrote underneath his first line, _Another author adapted the works straight from his journals. There are small details added to build some metaphors, but it's mostly true._

The unbelievable parts of the traitor's story were of details on his interactions with an enemy bender. Harsul, the traitor the story was about, was a Republic soldier, but he was ultimately a closeted equalist. He had been leaking intel from his unit to the benders. This man could have been the single reason why the war lasted so long. Why the benders were able to stand for so long.

"Does anyone know what happened to him?"

 _No. He went missing. Some say the Republic killed him, but I don't think he was ever found. This book is marketed as fiction, but I knew the editor._

Just like I thought! The librarian was full of mysteries - an untold story himself. I always knew there was so much more to him. He was the reader that knew the truth to all of the war fiction. He had connections, and I knew that the key to being a good historian - his lifelong dream - was to have the same type of connections.

"Could you introduce me?"

Chaitanya frowned and tapped his pencil before writing, _I wouldn't know how._

I quickly backed off. I didn't want to take advantage of him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude," I rushed, noticing by his hesitation that he was becoming uncomfortable. "I'm a historian. This kind of thing very much fascinates me, and it's hard for me to filter when I get excited."

Chaitanya was quick about his response, but when he finished writing, he tore off the page and folded it in half, handing it to me. The second his fingers left the paper, he turned and headed into the offices behind him.

I could tell he wasn't frustrated by my response as he wrote - just that he had an unpopular opinion that. He didn't want to see my reaction to whatever he wrote. So I spoke out to him and caught him before he could run away, determined to do the thing I promised myself to do before I never had a chance to again. "Chaitanya, could you teach me sign language?"

He stopped, his back turned to me, but I saw the edges of a smile. He nodded and gestured a word I didn't know, which I would look up later that night to discover he had signaled, _Tomorrow._

Ten years ago, the war between benders and non-benders began. As technology became ever-changing and automatic, the need for benders powering crude devices became obsolete. The benders recognized their lowering status and in a desperate attempt to regain what they were losing, small regimes formed and fought against society. The pendulum swung back in the opposite direction in full force, and non-benders responded by oppressing the benders that tried to erase them just the same. For decades the war had been broiling into the full force it became just a decade ago: benders and those that called themselves equalists against non-benders, determined to extinguish the terrifying force that threatened to flatten the planet.

Benders with their magnificent, crude power laid seize to several of the world's capitals, but they were vastly outnumbered by non-benders, even with the help of equalist sympathizers. The war should have ended quickly, but there were enough small, strategic battles won by the benders that extended the war. They must have _known_ they were on a losing streak, destined to be the defeated party, but there was always a rumor that they were holding out for the avatar.

Of course, no one had seen an avatar since Korra. The one person who was supposed to keep balance to this world, and nothing but chaos ensued. The avatar never appeared, and three years ago, the benders finally lost, vanishing from the world. No one has seen any bender since - not even just keeping out of sight but _gone_.

And the world has seen _nothing_ of benders since. The four nations are now nothing but a semblance of their former selves, and the world is now united by commonality and peace.


	2. Chapter 2

_Signing is very much like bending_ , Chaitanya had written at the top of the first page of many. He had prepared a presentation for me in a notebook, which was much higher than the standards I held of him. I actually felt guilty that this was how he spent his free time. I didn't want to be a burden.

He flipped to the next page and set it on the table in the private meeting room between them.

 _Feeling, objects, places - anything can be categorized into these four categories:_

 _Carefree and wild like the air._

 _Calm and flowing like the water._

 _Stubborn, strong, and willful like the earth._

 _Passionate and energetic like fire._

I smiled at his understanding of sign language. He had little drawings -- poor that they might be -- of how to sign each of the elements next to each of his short sentences.

It was charming.

I began to turn the page, but Chaitanya put his hand on over my own, stopping me. I watched him as he signed each of the elements, one flowing into the next.

Then he nodded at me to try them and learn them. When I made a mistake, he stepped around the table and bent my arms in just the right fashion. I knew sign language did not have to be so exacting, but this was an art to Chaitanya - it was his voice.

It took me a good thirty minutes to sign them to his liking. It reminded me of how benders might teach each other. It seemed intimate somehow... a dance with my hands.

Chaitanya turned the page and pointed at his writing at the top.

 _As a historian, you might know that benders created sign language. That is why it's important to master it's roots._

I stopped reading and looked up Chaitanya. He seemed like a magician, teaching me the root of the magic he knew. "Do you think there are any nomad benders out there?" I asked just out of a vague fascination with his knowledge.

He seemed suddenly very somber, and it surprised me. _No_.

I was slight taken aback by his blunt answer. "Why not? Even if they were murderers, I don't think they have to be. The government could regulate them -- make sure they don't get out of control. They could be beautiful, teaching bending as an art form and not a fighting style."

Chaitanya shook his head, turning away from me and looking at the door. His head shaking was insistent enough that he was ready to quit teaching. As he turned to the door, he signed rapidly a few words I could understand from a combination of my own memorization and his lip movements. _I can't. I can't discuss the war with you._

"I'm sorry," I said, reaching out to his arm to stop him then quickly releasing him. "I won't bring it up again. Just sign language and whatever you want. I just…" Thought that by the way he spoke that he would be enchanted like I was. That he felt some level of sympathy for them, and I wouldn't be the one crazy person in this world-

He might have felt the same. He sympathized for them, and he felt that he shouldn't. And the way he spoke of the war like it was a painful memory for him - like he was there.

He could have been an equalist. The benders vanished but not the equalists that fought alongside them. Many of them were freed.

Was that book possibly Chaitanya's autobiography…?

He surrendered after I promised only to discuss signing and give up being a historian around him.

But while I was at school, taking classes and in my dorm, I had purchased a personal copy of the book he recommended, dissecting it as non-fiction rather than fantasy.

My theory about Chaitanya being the traitor to the Republic was half-baked, but how he spoke of the book and his relationship to it... I just got this funny feeling that the librarian was involved somehow.

If the things that were said were true about people and events in the book, it was remarkable that the Republic even won.

Harsul, the equalist spy, became close to a very unknown bender general - General Kei. Even with my background on war generals from both the Republic and bender armies, I didn't know much about him, which made it easy for an assumed fiction writer to create stories about him.

But I was operating on the assumption that this book _was_ real. And I was taking notes for my thesis.

Harsul was a descendant of the former earth kingdom. He grew up in a modest house outside of Kyoshi where legends were shared of the last known earth avatar. She was considered a legend among all warriors, skillfully weaving each element together as she fought.

Harsul admired her quite a bit even though he was born without the ability to bend himself. He and the rest of his village considered her memory to be the light of his little island.

But new technologies encroached, and many left to do bigger and better things. Harsul was included in those ranks, leaving for the university here in Ba Seng Sei where he and most other students were recruited for the war.

Harsul still pursued his studies, a historian like myself searching for the truth. His focus was on the avatars though, and he continued pretending to be a soldier in hopes of finding the new earth avatar who even today has yet to be found.

At first he left camps at night to get books from nearby villages, collecting any information on Korra, Aang, Roku, and even Kyoshi. He studied them quite a bit when he caught the attention of a bender that belonged to a community that the Republic -- _his_ army -- was supposed to attack at daybreak.

Harsul felt like a hero when he successfully warned them. The bender he spoke with showed him kindness, and as the sacrilegious story described, he began to realize that people were people -- benders and non benders were both evil and good.

But the benders were not too eager to simply accept him. Both sides of this coin were wary of the other. It's the reason why tensions were so wound up to cause a war in the first place.

Harsul went begging for an audience with several bender generals, more on a pursuit of knowledge than the progression of the war, but none trusted him. He was lucky to get word to a couple lieutenants until General Kei took notice of him. After that, he had received recognition from several more bender generals, including the great fire bender commander, General Katsu.

Through clever plots and new technologies lended to him from the benders, he began work as a double agent. He would leak information to the Republic that the benders allowed him to leak, giving them victories that gained him favor within the equalist army. He was quickly promoted, gathering more and more information, leaking back to Katsu and Kei.

General Katsu would coordinate with Kei and Harsul on which of their squads they would sacrifice so Harsul could make enough rank in the Republic army just the same. And the benders they sacrificed willing gave up their lives, but not without taking a ton of Republic lives in the process. Meanwhile, Katsu himself would take the larger victories in the cities Harsul leaked information on.

This pattern was however short lived. The Republic discovered that they had a mole, and before they could find him, General Kei recruited Harsul into his ranks. Harsul would later learn that this was against General Katsu's wishes, but the generals had equal power when it came to these decisions. The commander cared little about a single equalist.

Over the course of the story, it became apparent through subtle hints and analogies that Harsul had slept with General Kei, which is why the bender leader had favored him so much.

But General Kei had many favorites. Harsul described how he slept around quite a bit, mostly with his first lieutenant general and multiple trainees. Harsul himself had begun developing very subtle feeling for him -- subtle feelings that even the text barely conveyed.

Just like Chaitanya. Harsul had timidness to him and withheld jealousy that made him respectable despite his horrible betrayal.

Then I felt sorry for Chaitanya. I had been studying the story as if Harsul were the studious librarian, but this all hinged on one very important detail: Chaitanya could talk.

 _Could_ talk. I looked online, and it was more difficult than most would assume to fake being a mute. So if there was even there was the slight possibility that he'd be Harsul, he either had a newly developed physical disability or a mental one. Maybe PTSD?

The thoughts and theories plagued me. Okay, yes, I had a very creative imagination, but that didn't mean I didn't want to know the real answers.

But I couldn't pursue this any further. It was an invasion of his privacy. He made it clear he didn't want to speak of it, and if there was one failure I had as a historian, it was that I was _too nice_. If I approached him again, I wouldn't be able to help myself. I would find some indirect way to discuss it, and he didn't deserve that. Regardless of the war, he was a different person now, keeping quiet and out of the way. He was Chaitanya, the mute librarian, and he wasn't doing any harm to anyone. He was smarter than that.


	3. Chapter 3

It was several months before I went to the library again. I had to. I had no choice. There was a rare book on the bender general Senge that wasn't at the school library, and I needed it for my thesis. As much as I tried to avoid him, he seemed to be the only librarian on duty, sitting behind the checkout counter and paying me minimal attention.

He checked my book and thankfully acted as if he didn't know me up until he scanned it into the system. Before he handed the book back to me, he signed and mouthed, _You wouldn't like this book._

"It's not about liking it. I need it for my thesis."

 _You should write your thesis on someone else._

I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but see him as Harsul. What did he have against this air bender general?

I wanted to ask so badly. I twisted my brows into my forehead as I tried desperately to hold my questions back. "Why are you doing this to me?"

He seemed confused. _What?_

"I don't want to pry into your personal life; you don't want me to talk to you about the war, and yet you bait me to ask questions you don't want to answer."

I saw the confusion clear from his face, and he looked away, tapping the book I wanted to checkout.

 _I'm not - "baiting" you,_ he signed and mouthed slowly. He was using the words I used to help me understand what he was saying.

"Well, what else would you call it? Or are you saying you'll answer my questions?"

He didn't say anything, but part of the blame was on the hardship of his ability to communicate.

"Come on, Chaitanya," I groaned. "I'm a historian. I want to know what happened. You of all people should respect- or at least _understand_ that."

He turned back to me, glaring. He didn't use real sign language, instead a simplified gesture system. _Who do you think I_ am

"Why did you give me that book on Harsul?"

He snorted, drawing the connection. _You think I'm him?_ He continued using gestures I didn't understand, but I was beginning to think maybe he wasn't Harsul afterall. Or he was very good at covering it up. No one would want to admit to being Harsul, not even the traitor himself.

I had another idea. Maybe he didn't know the editor. Maybe he _was_ the editor.

I could feel that he had a role to play in this story.

Chaitanya stopped himself, recognizing that I wasn't understanding his random movements, and grabbed his pad, quickly scribbling down a response to me. He tore it off and held it up to me.

 _You're looking for a story from a soldier that lost his voice from trauma, but there's nothing for me to share that you couldn't ask any other soldier._ _I don't want to remember my past, but reading about the war through "fiction" works helps me to recall the events as fantasy. I wish the war existed in a different time from me._

I took the note from him and rubbed my thumb along the edge.

Chaitanya wasn't much different from me… finding the line blurry between fiction and non-fiction.

I folded it and held it tightly in my hand. "I can't help myself… I want to know your story, which is exactly why I can't be coming here anymore. I want to respect your privacy as much as anything."

He looked down at the book on General Senge and nodded before handing it to me.

I turned away, but I heard him knock on the counter to get my attention. When I turned to him, he gestured to his head, mouthing, _Remember._ Then he pointed at the note in my hand and mouthed, _the note._ Finally he gestured to himself then to me and mouthed, _I gave you_.

* * *

General Senge was the last general to join the benders in the war. The air nomads were commonly a peaceful people, but the Republic pushed them to the edge, invading in their territory, building planes strong enough to push past the wind currents they created in the mountains to keep intruders out.

Senge was a monk herself, so she was very level-headed, deliberate, and precise like a surgeon when it came to the attacks she planned.

Her tribe was small, but when their freeform nature sharpened, they were a force to be reckoned with.

These airbenders were all descendants of Aang, so there were less than forty of them.

The book went into great detail of his tactics and criticised him heavily on all his weaknesses. While Senge's squad was very coordinated and tactful under his command, the author of the book recommended he should have split up his squad and divided the airbenders amongst the rest of the army, using their unique abilities to coordinate with other benders.

Republic Lieutenant Chaman lead an army of a thousand, erasing the tribe wholly and almost every airbender to near extinction.

There were two others that have been known to have airbending abilities, but they weren't of the tribe. One was a man that ran away from home at a young age, becoming a major for the benders early in the war. Another was a warrior that fought using a sword, the son of the former.

* * *

When I returned to the library to turn in my book, Chaitanya accosted me, shoving a pre-written note in my hand. He ran away before giving me a chance to read it.

I walked slowly out to my car, unfolding the note as I did.

 _I know how genuine you are about respecting me. I know you were curious about me before I approached you. You seemed like you were waiting for an excuse, so I made one for you._

 _I know I need to take responsibility for that action, so if you can learn enough sign language to be comfortable with asking and understanding a response, I'll promise to answer any one question truthfully._

 _Regardless of your decision, I thank you for kindness, Yakone._

I couldn't let this opportunity go to waste. I spent weeks trying to self teach more sign language, all the while glancing upon the first note Chaitanya gave me, never truly grasping the concept until suddenly I grasped it all to much.

 _Sometimes you learn more from listening to what people want to tell you than asking what you want to know._

When he was telling me to remember the note, he meant this note.

I had been bouncing back and forth between asking Chaitanya for help learning again, but I was afraid that he might reject the request after before. And even if he didn't, I wasn't sure I could help myself.

But reading this note and understanding it made all the difference in the world.

Chaitanya wouldn't reject teaching me, and if I let him lead the teaching, it might give me hints to what potential answers might be.

And as I had hoped, Chaitanya allowed me to be his student again.

He opened our first lesson asking me which words I wanted to use, and I wanted to show him that I learned the first lesson he taught me. I wanted him to teach me.

Unfortunately, for several weeks he taught me nothing but basic conversational pieces while having me practice the alphabet. I was hoping for words like "war" or "fight" or something. Not "would you like a sandwich for lunch."

Then he began teaching me cheats. Sign language became tricky when it came to proper nouns. It was difficult to spell out each letter of a place or a person, so that person or thing was assigned a nickname. Chaitanya had assigned one to me, but only now was he telling me its origin.

 _Do you know what your name means?_ he signed.

 _Yes, it means red_ \- I frowned, unsure of the symbol to complete my name. "Aurora," I finished aloud, and Chaitanya nodded, showing me the gesture he always made when addressing me. "That's aurora?"

 _Yes_.

"So how would I say your name? What does your name mean?"

Chaitanya shrugged, wearing a cheeky, smug smile. _You will have to learn the meaning of many more names if you are to be a true professional with signing._

"How do I learn them?"

Chaitanya nodded out the window of his tiny office to the library. _Read. Search the Internet. Ask people._

"I'm asking you right now."

He looked down at his desk and tapped his fingers together before deciding to tell me. _It means fire fly,_ he signed, tearing apart the compound word I did not know in sign language. He then signed it again as the actual word. _Firefly_.

I slowly repeated it. This was how I said his name in sign language? Why did it fill me with so much happiness?


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as I got home, I looked up _Chaitanya name meaning,_ frowning when I saw it did not mean firefly. Instead, it meant something more like _life_ and _knowledge_. Even typing "Chaitanya firefly" for alternative spellings and meanings came up with nothing.

Then I got this funny feeling that all my half-baked storytelling wasn't completely out of line. That maybe his real name wasn't Chaitanya.

I looked up _Harsul firefly_. Nothing matched.

Then I looked up _names that mean firefly_. I found a handful of them, including names from old scriptures and dead languages, but none in particular stood out to me. None of them _fit_ Chaitanya.

While I was closer to finding out something extremely personal about him, I didn't know the spelling or pronunciation of his name.

Should I use my question to ask him? Did he think that I was using my question when I asked him his name's meaning?

No... I didn't mean to use it like that. I had never planned to ask him something that personal. I really, truly did just want to use my question on something like " _What's something you want to tell me?_ " And today, I just wanted to know what Chaitanya meant. But he told me "firefly" of his own will, and I suppose I should be… No, I _was_ really happy about that.

Should I sign his name as _life_ or _firefly_? I knew what "life" was in sign language (I looked up a video just to confirm it). Would he be embarrassed if I used it? I should probably just stick with _firefly_ then…

(Line Break)

A few more weeks had passed since I started meeting with Chaitanya again, and I was learning that I was getting much better at tempering myself from asking rude things. He was the leader, and he taught me so many things I wouldn't even think to ask.

My thesis was due in a couple months, but I had been spending more time learning sign language than writing up my report. I was falling in love with the beauty of it, and I was learning that it helped keep me from "speaking" before I thought.

Chaitanya had put a lot of effort into my lessons as well. He had started sharing with me some of his old journals he used to learn and practice sign language, and I would spend my nights admiring his handwriting, running my fingers over his pictographs, and mimicking the movements before showing my progress to the librarian the next day.

There would be some days where I would come in and there'd be a line at the front counter with Chaitanya forced to manage it. Since he was the only one with keys, I would take his journals with me to a nook in the back of the library, sitting against a row of shelves that housed forgotten old tapes that no one cared about anymore and hunched over the notebooks, practicing in small movements to himself.

If he wanted to know how good he was getting, he would practice whatever sentences came to his mind and see if he could sign them.

 _Would you like to eat?_ _Are we finished?_ _My exam is coming up soon._ _What is your favorite color?_

I would, of course, practice more challenging things as well. I memorized the name meanings of all of the generals for my thesis and practiced signing every sentence I would write. If I didn't know a word, I'd look it up online then write it down and show Chaitanya the next day -- partially to impress him and partially to make sure that I was doing it right. And just a small part of me wanted to test how much sign language he really knew. He had probably only been mute for a small portion of his life.

Chaitanya tapped my knee, and I gasped when I realized he was sitting over me. I put my hand over my chest and sighed. "You are like a _ninja_ ," I whispered.

He grinned proudly and plopped down next to me, bumping shoulders and looking over my arm at the page I had open on places: valleys, hills, mountains, courtyards, palaces, castles…

 _Learning anything exciting?_ he signed.

I leaned back and scooted his journal so that it was half in both our laps. I practiced the gesture for castle, but he reached an arm up and modified the position of my fingers ever so subtly. Then he showed me the movement with his own hand, and I replicated it.

Then he asked, _Can you tell me a story about a castle?_

I grinned, welcoming the challenge. "How do you sign 'once upon a time'?" I asked aloud.

Chaitanya turned his body more directly toward me and placed the journal back in my lap. I turned towards him as well, watching intently as he made the fluid movements for me a couple of times. I mimicked him, and he nodded excitedly when I perfected it on my first try.

 _Once upon a time…_ I repeated. _There was a princess that lived in the highest room in the highest tower._

I was fibbing it a little because I wasn't that good at sign language, but Chaitanya was beaming and didn't stop to correct me.

 _No one had ever seen her except for a prince when she was a child. The king and queen placed her in the tower as a sacrifice to the dragon that blessed their kingdom._

Chaitanya's smile softened as he watched my hands move, taken away by the story I wove. I felt like a magician or even a bender performing impossible magic. It was a remarkable feeling.

 _Many years passed until the prince returned. He was able to get into her room and told her that if she-_ I hesitated then touched my lips, making up the word along with a dozen others. - _kissed her true love, the dragon would let her free, but only under the promise that she commit to her love for the rest of her life._

 _The princess looked out the window to confirm that this was true, and the dragon nodded. She looked back at the prince, paused, then realized the only one who had already been with her for her entire life had been the dragon._

 _And so she kissed the dragon and was granted her freedom in exchange for her devotion._ "And they lived happily ever after," I whispered.

Chaitanya continued to stare down at my hands in my lap before folding his fingers around mine. I studied the scars and roughness of his skin as he rose my hand to my face, straightened my fingers, and showed me a gesture by moving my fingertips along my cheekbone.

Then he released me but didn't sit back, watching me as I repeated the movement. Then I lowered my arm, moving my gaze to his lips as I noticed him do the same for me. He was so close and watching me so intently, but he didn't correct me as if I were wrong.

"What does that mean?" I muttered, watching as his eyes lowered and his lips parted ever so slightly. He kept his hand at my cheek, cupping it as he brought his face close to me and placing his lips on my own.

I felt my face flash hot and red. I was so embarrassed. I've barely kissed anyone before and never a boy. I hadn't even thought of it, but I didn't hate Chaitanya for it. I didn't want to embarrass him by pushing him away, and frankly, I enjoyed kissing, but I didn't want to take advantage of him. He was too pure…

I had to think fast. To kiss him back or do nothing. Was I against dating Chaitanya…? Intimacy was… the difficult part. But Chaitanya was sweet and pure. He wouldn't push anything on me. I didn't think he was capable.

I opened my mouth and invited him to kiss deeper. He ran his fingers along my cheek and brushed the edge of my ear as his tongue slid into my mouth. I tasted his bitter pine scent when I pushed my tongue around his and tasted his saliva on my lips.

Then I felt his tongue curl up against the roof of my mouth, and a shiver ran down my spine. I didn't expect him to nibble my top lip with his teeth and tongue either, and all of it just felt _good_.

The only witty thought that came to mind beneath the pretension of trying to impress him was _This is a funny way of teaching sign language._

He retrieved his tongue, and I kissed his lips one last time before he pulled away, biting his bottom lip and hooking his hair behind his ear. He blushed and fought a smile, staring down at his lap and trying not to see my reaction. I, on the other hand, was trying to get a feel for what his game was. It was completely unexpected, and I don't know if it should have been. Had he been giving me hints I ignored?

"This is a funny way of teaching sign language," I repeated aloud, my dumb brain faltering to think of anything else to say. It was the only way I could think to be neutral on the topic.

He quickly looked up and met my eyes, and for the first time, I really looked at him. He had sharp, narrow eyes that was often times at contrast with his personality. His eyebrows were usually curved upwards in a sympathetic manner, making him seem smaller and weaker than he might have been as a soldier. But now they held no expression, surprisingly thin and well-groomed for a man.

And honestly- Chaitanya's _expression_. He was staring at me with some unfathomable, seductive longing that made him look like a completely different person. Mature. Seductive, even.

 _I'm sorry,_ he signed fluidly. _I forget that most people kiss-_

I couldn't understand the last word he was trying to communicate and nothing I could piece together in my head made sense. I frowned, and he picked up his journal and wrote the word _romantically_ in a blank space on the corner.

 _I forget that most people kiss romantically_.

I blinked in surprise. "That wasn't a romantic kiss?" What was the difference between any other kiss?

He blew air out of his nose in a sort of laugh, his face suddenly pure and innocent again as he tried to hide it behind his hand, covering his mouth. _Did you want it to be?_ he asked with his free hand.

The crease in my forehead deepened. I was trying to figure out how this wasn't offensive when I knew it shouldn't be.

"No, I- uh, I just don't understand, I guess."

He shrugged and leaned away. _I just like kissing people._

"Really?" He kissed a lot of people just like that?

Chaitanya had another cocky, victorious smirk fixed to his face. _Does that surprise you?_

"No!" I answered way too quickly. But, yes, it did. Sweet Chaitanya, the flirtatious type? He was always so reserved, but maybe I only got that impression because he didn't speak? No, even his sign language and emotions were regularly mild mannered. If he was ever cocky, it was because he was comfortable around me.

Chaitanya blew more air through his nose as a silent laugh before apologizing again. _It's been a long time since I've kissed someone. And you reminded me how much I missed it._

"So… That wasn't your way of asking me out…?" I spoke very slowly and apprehensively. I didn't want to step on any toes, especially since I wasn't entirely sure how I felt.

It was a good kiss.

Chaitanya shook his head. _But that doesn't mean that I won't do it again… Unless you_ _didn't like it?_

I only felt myself turn more red. Remembering it had me more aroused than when it happened -- when my head was full of nonsense. I did like it, but it was very hard to admit that.

I couldn't answer him.

Chaitanya took his notebook back and closed it before hopping up to his feet and helping me up. I followed him to the meeting room where he continued on his lesson like nothing had happened, and it was only the monotony of our sessions that made it possible for me to do the same.


	5. Chapter 5

It took going back to my dorm that night to realize how distracted I was. I sat at my bed, staring at his journal, but unable to comprehend any of it. Instead, I touched my lips, remembering him.

I wasn't an outgoing person. Obviously. My idea of fun was going to the library and learning sign language.

I never cared to go out much. Watching the history channel and reading historical fiction online was my idea of fun. Being around other people was uncomfortable. So the last time I kissed someone was back in my hometown about four years ago. She was a friend of a friend and my date for a dance. We started dating just because it was mutually comfortable but both of us were frequently busy with our advanced classes. And we both mutually just stopped.

Chaitanya though… Chaitanya was different. With my hometown girlfriend, I just wanted to kiss. With Chaitanya… There's a small part of me that wanted to kiss _him_ \- and admittedly, not just because he was a good kisser either.

But he was a good kisser. I don't think I could go any further with him, but I wanted to kiss him.

And I did like being around him. I enjoyed the books he recommended to me and how he challenged what I knew of the war and all the players. I thought about him all the time. What did he know? Who _was_ he?

Every time I looked at him from then on out, Chaitanya seemed to have a flirtatious twinkle in his eyes, and I didn't hate it. I returned the look.

And we would bump shoulders, and his corrections of my signs when his hands touched me were just a little too long.

There were so many times where I wanted to kiss him again just to verify both of our feelings, but it never felt like it was appropriate. So we held each other at this awkward close-distance. We spent all our time together. We were closer than a lot of couples were. But we didn't talk or do couple-y things together.

I was just really confused about the whole thing.

(Line Break)

I didn't see Chaitanya or any other librarian when I strolled down the main aisle of the library. I was trying to prepare myself to tell him that I had to hold off on these meetings. My thesis was due in a week, and I was really behind.

I sat in front of the meeting room door, reading news articles on my phone. The latest breaking story had been on an equalist captain who had been kept under supervision until recent evidence came to light of her crimes against the state. She was due to go on trial early next week, but the news was detadetailing all the evidence that had come to light on how deep her betrayal ran.

I looked up the meaning of her name to pass the time. Maybe I could include her in my thesis. _Wing_.

Chaitanya came late to our meeting, frustrated and with red eyes. I watched him as unlocked the meeting room then sat beside me. He set one of his older notebooks on the table and flipped to a page as if he wanted today to be any normal lesson.

It was really obvious how distraught he was.

"What's wrong?" I asked, but he shook his head.

 _Nothing_ , he denied, pointing at the gestures for colors on the page. _Do you remember how to sign these?_

I learned them ages ago but didn't need to use them much, which I assume is why he asked. But I _did_ spend hours hammering them in my head. I couldn't forget. _Yes_.

 _Show them to me._

I did so carefully. I was sure to be yelled at if I messed them up at all, but Chaitanya seemed distracted. He didn't correct me when I curled my finger just a bit too much, instead flipping to a page that had drawings of easy animals. He tapped them, asking me to sign them as well.

I did so slowly, confused by the point of this and confused by the normally carefree Chaitanya who now seemed to be anchored with distress.

I stopped signing, and he didn't even notice. He was staring out the window at the library.

I had been struggling to put my freebie question to use. It never felt right to ask, and it always felt rude. I still wasn't good enough to speak proficiently, but I wasn't just going to sit there and do nothing while he looked so helpless.

This wasn't a personal question. This was exactly the opportunity I had been waiting for.

I grabbed his shoulder and forced him to look at me. _What can I do to help?_

Chaitanya shook his head and turned away from me, declining the offer.

I turned him back to me so he could watch me sign. _It wasn't a request. You have to answer me truthfully._

He stared at me for a moment before widening his eyes, realizing that this was the product of the promise he made. _You're wasting your question on this?_

He must have expected me to use it on something personal. I already learned that lesson.

I grinned, proud of myself. _I think I already wasted it when I asked you what your name means._ "Chaitanya doesn't mean firefly, but there are several ways to say it as a name, so I don't know what your real name is yet. But it means a lot that you would trust me with it. So I hope that you can trust me with whatever burden you're carrying on your shoulders now."

His eyes softened dramatically, and he exhaled a sigh of relief. It was like the question alone helped him through so much of what he was fighting. He stood up and walked over to the window, closing the blinds before turning to me.

 _Are we friends, Yakone?_

Were we going to talk about this now?

"Well, we kissed, so I was hoping we'd be a little bit more than that," I admitted. I was impressed by how confident I was able to appear.

Chaitanya looked away, and it appeared as if he were dealing with another storm in his heart. _That's a different matter…_

We couldn't admit that we were more close than regular friends?

"Look, I know you have trauma from the war, and if there's something about being in a relationship with me that's painful, I'm fine with that. But can't you at least tell me that's the reason rather than avoid it all together?"

Chaitanya continued to focus his gaze squarely at the corner of the room behind me, past me. My words were fueling the distress inside of him, and I hated seeing him like this.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, looking at the door for any shadows underneath. "I didn't want to talk about this. I just want to know what we…"

Chaitanya was starting to sweat from the anxiety, but even though it was selfish, I needed his help to understand how I felt. And it wasn't fair of him to drag me around either when he knew how conflicted I was. _He_ was the one to kiss _me._ He had to take some responsibility.

He pulled his hair up into a bun, which I had never seen him do before. Strangely, it reminded me of old Fire Nation style...

No, it _was_ Fire Nation. His name, Firefly, those narrow eyes and knowing gaze. How did he make it all the way here? I thought Fire Nation descendants were very proud of their lineage.

 _It's not that I don't like you._ _It's that… being intimate with another reminds me of the person I was before. It's the same with speaking. I want to talk more than anything, but I'm afraid that if I do, I'll become that person again._

He didn't have to share this with me. He could have shut me out like before. He was making an effort.

It was a powerful confession, too. In an instant, it changed a lot of what I had thought of him. He didn't speak because of trauma. He created the trauma by not speaking.

I opened my mouth to ask a question I knew he would answer, but then I decided against it, closing my mouth and waiting for him to share whatever secret he was comfortable with sharing. Listening, not asking. I was learning. I was trying harder than ever to be respectful, and I already pushed my luck -- but only because I felt it had to do with me.

He pulled a chair into the corner next to the window, sat down, and allowed the silence to stretch. Then he signed, _As you may have guessed already, I was an equalist soldier._

I _had_ guessed that -- that his heart was so kind that it extended even to those genocidal murderers, but then seeing him admit to it made me sick. It knotted and coiled in the pit of my stomach.

I could feel some part of myself was an equalist and could sympathize after all the stories I had read, but it was a very small part that felt like that. I would never fight on behalf of benders, so I was able to admit my softest of sympathies. But Chaitanya was enough of an equalist that he felt he had to keep it secret. And he was a soldier, so it wasn't as if he didn't contribute to their cause.

But perhaps that was why it was so hard for him to admit now. He felt shame for what he did. I decided to give him half a chance.

 _I thought I could protect the people I cared about_ , he signed without mouthing the words to help. _I goofed around a lot and thought that if I could just protect the people I cared about, the war didn't mean much to my life… but I couldn't protect those people. I ran away from the front lines and decided that more than anything, I wanted to change who I was and at least be someone who could protect others. But then Suluk…_

The equalist captain that was on the news. He _knew_ her?! And he was this upset over her? How close were they?

The sickness and jealousy was getting to me.

 _I don't want to be Chaitanya anymore…_

She was making him give up this identity. This person that I was maybe trying to fall in love with.

I didn't want him to go. I wanted Chaitanya, not whoever Firefly was. And whoever was sitting in front of me right now was the equalist soldier, not my librarian.

I got up from my chair, dragged it next to him, and sat tucked beside him -- a gesture no different than the faint flirtations we were exchanging before. "I need Chaitanya. I'm falling in love with the person you are now -- not the person you were. And I think you know that the person you were wasn't a good person, but I can see you're trying to change. You're becoming so much more than you were, and I'd hate to see you give it all up."

 _I just want to be someone who can protect the people that matter to me,_ Chaitanya half-heartedly signed.

"Does she really matter to you, or was she someone Firefly cared about? If you want to get better, you have to draw the line between this life and that one."

He was taking my words to heart and listening very carefully.

"You only started becoming that person again because of her. I don't like seeing you in this much pain."

He wallowed in his own self pity for awhile, lost in his own thoughts. When I had to leave, Chaitanya let me go quietly.


	6. Chapter 6

I skipped class the next day to check up on him, regretting some of the things I said. I didn't know how to handle the situation. When I thought about the future, I knew I was just being selfish and pushing my ideals on him, but if I don't think I can fall in love with him knowing what I did.

He could never stop being Firefly. That was his center. And I couldn't walk down the path he needed to walk down with him. I had planned - as a friend - to never tell anyone what I knew about him, to break off our relationship, and to not force what we had any further.

I had only been curious about him in the first place because of his secrets. Now that I knew what enough of them were, I felt less like a historian, writing his past down for the history books, and more like a traitor, participating in this ongoing war.

And that was the main reason I knew Chaitanya couldn't exist. As long as the war tethered Firefly to this world, Chaitanya could not be.

He wasn't at the front desk, so I let myself into the back offices, stopping when I heard a voice from inside Chaitanya's office shouting.

"You can't be around that boy anymore! He's bad for your health! Period!..." The shouting voice stopped as someone silently responded. "He _cares_ about you?! He only cares about himself, and he's trying to change you to be what _he_ wants, not what you want! Look at yourself!... No, Kei, you're a coward, running from what you are. Just because you couldn't help me doesn't mean you can't help her…"

The voice was drowned out by the rush of blood to my ears. The name. Kei. He couldn't be… The _general?_ It wasn't possible. They were all benders, and they all _vanished_. Someone would have recognized him. He had to be another Kei.

The voice on the other side of the door got even louder. "FUCK YOU!" I heard stuff get thrown across the room. "You didn't betray the other benders to become this! You wanted peace! Do you think you've achieved that? I hate you for what you did, but at least don't make it for nothing!"

Other benders. As in, he _was_ one.

It grew quiet for a long time, and it became clear that they either weren't going to talk anymore, end their conversation, or they were aware of me.

I didn't want to hear anymore anyway.

I ran out of the building to my car before I could be caught, waiting in my car for a good fifteen minutes, hoping that the man who was yelling would leave and I could catch a glimpse of his face. He was taking too long though, and I decided I would have to come back when I regularly did.

Until then, I wanted to learn as much as I could about General Kei. Not that he _was_ Kei, but I had this funny feeling... It wasn't a coincidence he gave me that book.

When I returned to my dorm, I pulled out my personal copy of the story on Harsul, marking every page that mentioned the general.

After finding the first couple times he was mentioned, I was beginning to discover that it wasn't anything I didn't already know. I did a quick search online thinking it might be faster or that I might find a _picture_ , but all I could find was that he was the least significant of all the generals. He barely did anything. He _was_ a pure Fire Nation descendant, but there weren't any reports of him using his bending in battles. There wasn't anything.

I returned to the book. Early on, Harsul mentioned that it was strange that of every bender he had met, General Kei was the only one to wield non-bender weapons - a pistol and a katana, which was notedly welded shut.

He wasn't close to any other general, including the fire bending ones. He kept minimum contact when it came to plotting strategies. The allusions made between him and Fire Commander Katsu led me to believe that they actually quarreled frequently.

General Kei was also very much _not_ proud and forceful like the fire bending culture. Harsul described him as being "of carefree nature, a leaf on the wind" - suggestive of airbending descent, but that was impossible. I remembered this line specifically from the first time I read the book because if there were other airbenders out there, people would _know._ Maybe he was a bastard child - an illicit product of a secret relationship.

I didn't have much time to look into it further. The Internet tended to agree that Kei was a firebender based on the armor he wore, and even though firebenders had the strictest culture in terms of conforming, it didn't mean that just because he was different he wasn't a firebender.

Honestly, I was finding it hard to believe that he was a bender at all.

As all this was going on, my perspective toward him made yet another 180. Assuming he _was_ the general, my gut reaction was that he was absolutely _bad_.

But while the Kei in the books was a bender general, yes, going along with what Chaitanya had told me, he hadn't really participated in the war. On top of that, his was extremely crafty and clever. He had helped coordinate victories for the Republic, even if it was to help Harsul the status gain favor just so he could betray us. But his friend also had made it seem like Kei betrayed the other benders to end the war.

Maybe... Could he have been on _our_ side? How did the military find out about the traitor?

I _knew_ something didn't make sense when I was reading Harsul's story. The benders should have won the war the way they played us, but there was a factor that was never mentioned that completely turned the tide - post the end of the story.

Maybe... Kei could be the greatest hero for the Republic ever. The pieces didn't entirely fit, but there was a chance.

* * *

Chaitanya straightened when I approached the front desk, squaring his shoulders. _I have something to say._ He looked determined when he signed.

He was going to push me away after what I said, which was honestly what I deserved. I had misunderstood everything - hell, I was so confused now that I didn't know I was making the right decision. Kei could be the biggest villain to this world for all I knew.

But I knew him. Chaitanya or Kei, he was confused about doing the right thing. He was so lost, and even just the platonic love I had for him had me begging to help him.

I held a hand up. "Wait. Before you say anything, I was wrong yesterday. You can't be fighting yourself on a daily basis to determine who you are. Chaitanya, you don't need to be anyone but you. And if it's hurting you to see Suluk in trouble, it's hurting me to see you in pain. And I really mean that."

He looked dumbfounded, his mouth hanging slightly open.

He shook it off and looked down at his keyboard. _What do you suggest I do then? Save her?_

Did he possess the power to do that?

"Is that what would make you feel better?"

He had to think very hard about it. He took a deep breath then stood, staring through my chest. He closed his eyes and signed, _I want to believe that you'll be there to support no matter what. Your voice helps me find myself._

Could I be there for him? Where was my place in this world? How could I find it alongside Chaitanya when I didn't know his place?

Maybe I couldn't know it because Chaitanya didn't. Maybe I just had to take this leap of faith... Was he a good guy or was he a bad guy? Maybe he was just neither. He was here in a library after all.

But if I would choose to put my faith into a person, it'd be someone with a kind heart and good story. And I was so sure Chaitanya was both.

I stepped around the counter and grabbed his hand. "I want to help you find yourself. I know you've had to make some hard decisions, but I hope you can rely on me to help you make them from here on out." I pulled him towards me, and I hadn't expected it, but when I brought his face so close to mine, I wanted to bring him closer. I touched our noses together and leaned into him. When he parted his lips and breathed on mine, I was reminded again of the sweet kiss I had desperately wanted to recreate.

Now I had more knowledge. What would I taste on his lips this time now that I was searching for it? The lick of flame? A cocky twist of his tongue? A show of his sexual prowess?

He saw my gaze shift over to the students studying at a table twenty feet away, and he squeezed my hand, pulling me back into his office. When we got into it, he pretended like we weren't about to snog. It wasn't in his personality to just push me up against the wall and engage in an amorous caress. Well, not in Chaitanya's personality.

I wrapped my arm around his waist as he attempted to step around his desk and pulled him towards me. I had never attempted something so forceful in my life, but I was overcome with the desire to taste him, paired with a curiosity of how much he felt for me.

When he looked back at me, I could tell he was ready and willing. I wouldn't have been able to do it if he didn't give me an embarrassed, blushing smile, but it was enough to calm my nerves about him and lean in.

I was surprised when he immediately reached around the back of my neck and started massaging it as he pushed me in closer, taking all the breath from my lungs as he kissed me more sensually than anything I could have imagined.

I loved it. I felt that he wanted to hold on to me forever, and I was enjoying it too much to want to let him go. His sweetness and his pine scent filled me.

I got the sense that my desperate inexperience was too much. He fought the sound of his own laugh, blow air through his nose as he pushed me away by my chest, smiling and shaking his head.

If he was Kei, I doubt I could even comprehend the number of people he's slept with. And I must have easily looked like a fool to him. "I'm sorry-" I started to say, but he quickly shook his head and kissed my cheek.

 _I need to make a call, and I need you to make sure no one will hear me. Not even you._

He was going to talk?

But he still didn't trust me enough to let me hear.

I nodded while he turned me around and pushed me out the door. _Guard the door,_ he instructed.

I was determined to do so, but before I could turn around and pull the knob behind me, he grabbed me by my shoulder and slipped the same hand around my neck, pulling me a step back into the room and tucking his lips into my ear, whispering, "Yakone."

I might have blushed all the way to my toes. To be seduced by a single word was overwhelming, and it embarrassed him quite a bit as well. He quickly closed the door on me, leaving me stunned.

But not before a huge fat grin spread across my face. He spoke to me!

His voice was deeper than I thought it would be. For such a seemingly modest personality, I thought he'd have a gentle, modest voice. I couldn't describe exactly what it was like, hearing just one word, but it was not that. It was Kei's voice.

Chaitanya spent not even ten minutes in his office before he opened the door again. I had hoped he would try talking some more, but instead, he used sign language to ask for water.

I returned with a glass to see him rubbing his throat.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

He shook his head and took the water from me. After he took a sip and set it down beside him, he signed, _No, but it feels strange. Like I've forgotten to pronounce some words._

I was curious about his usage, but I let the topic go and changed it. "Who did you speak with?"

 _Someone who can stand witness in her support. I can't help her more than that, and I'm asking a lot of him, but it feels good to do something._

"Why couldn't you just send an email?" I think I knew the answer before I asked.

 _I needed to make sure the message was received, and I couldn't leave a paper trail._

I nodded. "So you feel better now?"

 _Much, thank you._ He met my eyes, smiling. _I'll tell you whatever you want to know._

I shook my head. "Just tell me when you feel lost so we can work through it together."

He looked down at his feet shyly, but his smile grew, and I was afraid if I was around him any longer, I might have fallen completely in love with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Because Chaitanya and I skipped our regularly scheduled meetings that day, I returned to my dorm early to find my roommate sitting in one of the bean bags, playing some zombie video game.

I grabbed my laptop and my Harsul's book and sat them next to each other on my bed. I went back and forth between the internet and the story, reading more into Kei's scenes, and getting this incredibly distinct feeling that Kei was a neutral party even though he claimed to be with the bender army.

Kei was cleverly aloof. Even Harsul got that impression of him. That he pretended not to know anything about war and strategies but only as a pretense for not participating.

But the bender army unquestionably trusted him. Only a handful of people knew of Harsul's role in the war, and Commander Katsu had trusted Kei enough to keep him looped in on their plans - even though Kei himself rarely actually did anything.

And when he _did_ fight in battles, he didn't firebend.

As neutral as a soldier could get, especially a general.

But the internet confirmed he was one of the first generals to be recruited into Katsu's army. There was no evidence he needed to prove himself like the others who fought for his ranks. And since he was one of the first, shouldn't there be _more_ information on him, not less?

I needed this all ordered in my head. Was I even connecting the dots right?

"Hey, Aki…" I said, reading a line from the book that described Kei's pride - a trait completely at odds with his apparent motivations and actions.

"Hmmm?" he asked, not turning away from his video games, sensing the distraction in my voice and deciding against giving me his full attention.

"Do you remember General Kei?"

"Uh, yeah. My squad was supposed to match up against one of his before the war ended."

It was easy to forget Aki was a year older than me and was forced to enlist for the last year. He was barely more than a recruit though, and most of his stories were of training and not the war itself.

But it did bring up an interesting point. Kei's squads frequently lost battles, and it was assumed to be bad leadership. But that begged the question - why did his battalions constantly sacrifice their lives for him, _knowing_ they wouldn't succeed? And why was Kei allowed to continue being a general? And one that was allowed to know deep secrets at that?

"What do you know about him?"

Aki shrugged. "That he was young for a general, maybe the bender's youngest."

That would make sense since Chaitanya couldn't have been much older than me. But again, why make someone so young with no track record a general? Was he perhaps brilliant or powerful but secretive about his strengths?

Aki continued, "I heard he was a great shot but never had anyone among his ranks who was half as good. That he oversaw mostly fire and earth benders. Oh, and that he was a firebender himself."

"Who told you that? No one has ever seen him firebend, right?" Kei was never on the front lines.

Aki just shrugged. "Yeah, but it's clear that he was from the former Fire Nation, so what else would he be? Fire Nation citizens were the ones most against ' _crossbreeding._ '"

I frowned and stared at Kei's name in the book. "Would you say he was pretty incompetent as a leader then?"

Aki snorted. "Yeah, of course. The military rarely went up against him in battles, and when they did, he almost always lost. We always speculated that it was some warped tactic the benders had, but nope… He was just awful. That's why they always sent troops up against him."

None of this made sense.

"So if he was that bad, why did he hold back and never use his bending? He had to have been made a general for a reason."

"I dunno. Maybe he was secretly a Republic sympathizer? He sure did give us a lot of victories."

I hoped that was it. I hoped that if Chaitanya was General Kei that he was on _our_ side the entire time.

But I felt like there was something I was missing. I wanted to force those two opposing personalities together, but I didn't have the piece between them. Chaitanya was quiet with more than just his voice - and _guilty_ about the war, about giving up his comrades and fellow benders. I got that much from his conversation with the stranger. So it made sense that he would also be the general that gave us a lot of victories.

"But why did they make him a general? They had to be impressed somehow."

Aki set his controller down as he completed his level and laid back, watching his stats scroll by on the screen. "So he was powerful in some way. He proved himself to the other benders unquestionably. That's why they allowed him to keep screwing up. But what kind of bender hides his bending? And why would the others allow it?"

The silence stretched out between the two of us, and I slowly rose my head as Aki turned around and met my eyes.

"The avatar," I whispered.

Aki's eyes were wide disks, coming to the same conclusion.

It all snapped together. It was a perfect picture now. These two diametric forces were one absolute. General Kei _was_ under pretense. The avatar was always the great unifier - a force of _peace_ , ending wars that divided the world. If General Kei was the avatar, and if everything I knew was true, then his pride, cockiness, and screw-ups were all _fake_. It was all just a mask to keep him secret. He could have been coordinating with the other benders to end the war behind closed doors, but he must have known he couldn't do it by eradicating all non-benders. Maybe there _was_ no peaceful conclusion where both sides could coexist. The benders would never stop being oppressive dictators and the avatar resented them for it.

"But if he was… Why didn't he just end the war?" Aki whispered as his next round started without him.

Maybe, _somehow,_ with all the legends they tell of his incredible power, he was the one responsible to vanish all the other benders.

"I think he did."

My heart was pounding out of my chest.

If Chaitanya _was_ … No, it couldn't be possible.

I _kissed_ him.

If he _was_ , I kissed the fucking avatar. Twice.

This was _insane._ This was out of my grasp. Chaitanya wasn't such a powerful person. The concept didn't connect in my head.

But there was a _chance._ It didn't matter how small, if it was true, now that I knew, I couldn't be safe. There's a reason why it was a secret - why no one knew. Because they were probably all dead.

Shit! Shit, what had I gotten myself into?

I quickly closed the laptop and the book and grabbed a towel. "I'm going to go to the bathroom," I said, rushing out of our room and to the community showers at the end of the hall. I stripped and hid behind the curtain before even turning on the shower, and when I had, I left it cool.

And I could feel myself breaking down, terrified for my life. I crouched down and put my face in my hands, trying to fight a trembling wail.

I had to leave. I had to run very far away. But on the chance he wasn't, I needed him to know- but I couldn't even risk that much. I didn't want to be around _the_ bender. I didn't want to risk my life. I didn't want to die.

I couldn't tell Chaitanya goodbye. After everything I said about being there for him, I didn't want to give him a reason to hurt me. I was going to do that anyway.

I just need to get as far away as possible.


End file.
